So Tired of Being Alone

...theme song for my life right now...hurry up and get here already!

The Tricky Condition

So, we're having this competition at work called "Walk the Walk." It requires the participants to wear a pedometer during all waking hours. At the end of the contest the person who has taken the most steps wins. Simple, right? Well, a certain department in our company decided to actually read the instructions for the chinese-made pedometers and an hilarious letter was the result:

Wellness Team,

While we as a team have been dutifully wearing our pedometers in order to step in time, some questions have arisen as a result of a closer inspection of the “Operational Manual.”

1. This stepping meter can only count correctly under the flat plant.

As you may have noticed, there’s really not enough foliage around the building to stay under all the time in order to get correctly counted steps. While some of us have some houseplants around the office, carrying them around over our heads just to get pedometer points has resulted in some awkward and embarrassing situations. Additionally, mine may be broken because I think it occasionally counts steps when I’m not squarely positioned underneath any plants, flat or otherwise.

2. Under the following condition, the stepping meter can’t count correctly:
i. Moon walking, Wearing sandal
ii. When walking in the tricky condition
iii. Vibration without walking

Firstly (I like using first as an adverb), why the anti-moon walking discrimination? I, for one, don’t want to work for a company that discourages the act of moon walking as a legitimate form of intraoffice transportation. If the pedometer doesn’t work for people wearing sandals, then that’s just fine. We totally agree that there’s no need for hippies to get any more fit than absolutely necessary for them to live in their agri-commune and sleep in trees.

Second, as it relates to being in the tricky condition, does the pedometer rule out simply walking or is this expanded to include jogging, running, shuffling, cantering, loping, dance dance revolutioning, and any general ambulatory activity? We have emailed the Ministry of Silly Walks for clarification, but everyone knows they don’t spend much time in the office answering emails, so we could use some guidance on when one enters the tricky condition and whether sustained periods of trickiness are similarly excluded.

Finally, what are people doing with their pedometers when rule 2(iii) becomes necessary? Without jumping straight to the logical assumption that they are calling out construction street workers who specialize in jackhammering concrete, we feel that any other extracurricular, off-work-site personal activities that encourage cardiovascular vigor should have a place in any corporate wellness program.

3. The stepping meter can be reset by pressing “Reset” button.

Can we please get more clear instructions on the reset process instead of all the cryptic tech-speak? We’re accountants, not engineers, dag-na-bit.


Who knew accountants could be SO dang funny?

I am

Take the Quiz here!

p.s. I had my roomate, Katie, re-take this quiz for me a few days after this and it said I was Marianne Dashwood. Funny, the Facebook quiz said I was Fanny Price (hence, the reason I am currently reading Mansfield Park--to find out if they're even close to correct). I like to think I am a conglomeration of all the best traits of these heroines, alas, I probably have several of their flaws as well.

The Kindness of Strangers

I frequently eat at Subway. Last time I was there the kid who rang up my order said "you have this many points on your Subway card. That's enough for a free 6-inch." So, today when I went there for lunch I thought, "I have enough points for a free 6-inch sandwich. I'm gonna use them and get lunch for free today," because, come on...who doesn't love free food?

I order my samdwich and get up to the register where I give the kid my card and say, "I believe there are enough points on here for a free 6-inch." The kid at the register swipes my card and informs me that I have 49 points and I need 50 points for the sandwich--I am only 1 point short! I am kinda confused at this point because I swear that the last kid who helped me said distinctly that I had enough points for a free sandwich. Nevertheless I pull out my debit card to just pay for the darn thing when a knight in shining armor swoops in on his noble steed to my rescue!

Well, actually he was wearing a blue button up and jeans and he was just the guy in line behind me, but all the same...what he did was pretty darn chivalrous. He said "why don't I pay for mine first and put the points on your card so you get your one more point?" (or something to that effect). I said, "really?! That is so nice!" And so he did. And I got my sandwich for free. And I was so flabbergasted at his kindness that all I could do was stand there in grateful awe and say "thank you" when if I my brain had been working properly I might have thought to say "thank you and here's my card" (as I give him one of my business cards that I have carried around for the last year just in case I needed one for something like this) and he might have called me up and we might have begun dating and then gotten married and had some cute little kids and a house with a yard and a dog...but none of that happened--I merely said "thank you"...and then he was gone forever. Sniff.

So to all of you who wonder where all the good guys are I say, they do exist! They are out there! They are timid creatures and rarely show themselves, so you've got to watch carefully--and keep a business card handy!

And Subway guy...if you're reading this...thanks again. You're my hero.